Tykes, Toys, And A Twi’lek
by Jedi Trace
Summary: Wes Janson, Wraiths, OCs. Vignette, humor. A gift gone awry.


**Title**: Tykes, Toys, And A Twi'lek  
**Characters**: Wes Janson, Wraith Squadron, OCs  
**Genre**: Vignette, humor  
**Summary**: Holiday fic-gift for a friend. Gift request follows after the story.

**Disclaimer**: Not mine. No money. 'nuff said.

Let me start with a confession: I have a problem with kids. Well, it's not really a _problem_ problem, but I guess you could say that I've never really 'clicked' with children. They talk strange, they're messy and sometimes they even smell bad.

Now, I have nothing _against_ children, mind you. Some people are great with them and I think that's...well...great. Me, though? When predicting the events of my adult life, I can honestly say that I never expected to be sitting in a clown suit on a stage surrounded by a pack of giggling youngsters, an audience of adults, a squadron of toy X-Wings, a pile of glitter, and a shapely Twi'lek woman.

Allow me to explain:

Never let it be said that I, Wes Janson, am not a good sport. A lesser man might have complained about dressing up as a clown for a children's charity event, but not me. In fact, when Commander Antilles informed us that we would be providing entertainment and gifts for the children of Coruscant Medical Center's pediatric unit, I went to the biggest costume shop in the area and bought the best clown suit they had -- colored wig, big shoes and all.

Now, you would assume that someone who is accustomed to a flight suit would not have any trouble with clown gear. Well, that assumption would be wrong. The floppy shoes and baggy pants took some getting used to, but I had pretty much mastered the art of walking when I arrived at the Medical Center.

I'm not quite sure what I expected at the Children's unit. I've been in plenty of hospitals in my time, but never to a ward specifically for kids. So, I suppose I should not have been surprised to be greeted at the door by an Ewok. And no, the irony was not lost on me. He - or she (I've never been good at telling which was which) was tan and brown striped and staring up at me expectantly, chittering and waving her - his - hand. Paw?

I remembered that I wasn't in a uniform, so I fumbled through the oversized pant pocket and produced my ID card. The Ewok (he? she? would it be rude to ask?) inspected the card and handed it back before spinning on his - her - heel and waddling off, motioning for me to follow. I won't _say_ that I was happy to be going slow because of the big shoes, but I might have been somewhat glad to be walking behind an Ewok. Just for once.

On the way through the unit, I kept an eye out for my squad mates. They should have been easy to spot in costumes, but I only saw medical personnel in the corridors. I checked my chrono. Eighteen hundred on the dot - the exact time Antilles had instructed me to arrive. Several children spotted me through their transparisteel doors and waved. I paused and waved back, smiling. See what the others were missing? Me, the good sport, that's what.

We arrived at a large doorway with "Auditorium" displayed over the top. I didn't think the little guy - girl - okay, _furball_ was going to be able to reach the access panel but he (I'll just say he) hopped and waved and the door slid open.

The auditorium was dark and packed completely full. There was a stage in the middle surrounded by rows of chairs and my furry guide waved me forward with one paw while motioning for me to be silent with the other. I was squinting over the crowd looking for the other Wraiths, when the lights came up on the stage and the Ewok pushed down me into the nearest seat.

I was about to protest that there was no reason to be rough, but he was already waddling away and everyone around me was clapping. Twelve children dressed in little orange flight uniforms had taken over the stage, each holding a small model X-Wing and making _zoom zoom_ noises as they ran in circles around each other.

You just can't help but smile at something like that, so I sat back in my chair and that's exactly what I did. I'd hook up with the guys afterwards. It was too dark to see any of the audience members anyway and everyone's attention was now on a smaller group of kids who'd come running on stage with toy TIE fighters.

Dramatic-sounding music started playing over the speakers and the children - er, SHIPS - flew around each other in choreographed twists and turns as they shouted into tiny amplifiers:

"Watch yourself, Red Two!"

"You've got one on your tail!"

"I'm going in!"

"I'm your wing!"

I'd have to compliment whoever rigged the little lights on the ships. They actually flashed to the sound of laser fire and the kids holding the TIEs dropped off the stage one by one until only the victorious squadron of X-Wings were _zoom zooming_ around in a triumphant victory lap while the audience applauded enthusiastically.

Let me clarify - the TIE kids didn't actually _fall off_ the stage. It was a controlled descent down very safe steps into a pile of red and yellow glitter that sparkled in a very explosion-y fashion. Impressed me, anyway.

A blue-green Twi'lek woman in a form-fitting suit swung her hips gracefully to the center of the stage and nodded to the children who sat down dutifully and smiled up at her. The speakers squealed just a bit as she took the mic and addressed the crowd:

"Thank you all for attending our Annual Benefit Gala! The credits raised today will go toward the construction of our new Pediatric Foster Care Center which will house children who are wounded and homeless until they can be placed with adoptive families."

As she spoke, a hologram of the new unit appeared behind her to the sound of "Oooh"s and "Aaah" and polite clapping from the benefactors. It looked nice! Large, colorful rooms and play areas with swings and slides and even a water park. Holos of the kids who would be moving in flashed up next. In spite of their bandages and crutches, they smiled held up poster boards with hand-drawn "thank you" messages. Made my heart swell just to know that we would be helping them and I sat up a little straighter, adjusting my frizzy clown wig.

The pretty Twi'lek continued, "Today's show, provided for us by the children, is in tribute to the brave pilots of Wraith Squadron who have volunteered to serve as spokepersons for our cause. If they could please stand..."

Showtime! The lights in the auditorium came up and I rose to my feet, grinning in what I hoped was a generous yet professional manner. As luck would have it, my comrades were all seated in the row behind me and I turned to see if any of their costumes looked half as good as mine. As I mentioned earlier, I'd gone to the best costume shop in town and they --

I felt the color rise in my face even before the lights were all the way up.

THEY were all decked-out in formal dress uniforms! A solid wall of neatly-pressed and medal-wearing fighter pilots all standing proudly in a parade rest stance to the polite applause of the surrounding audience.

That is, until the audience saw _me_ and the applause stuttered into muffled giggles and hissing whispers. I couldn't sit down and I couldn't leave. I was trapped. Blood pounded in my ears and I turned just enough to glare at the row behind me. Not a one of them looked directly at me, but Loran and Tainer were biting the insides of their cheeks to keep from laughing. I could see it!

The Twi'lek hostest was still smiling her stage smile, but her lekku twitched in confusion. "Thank you, gentlemen," she started, motioning with her hand for the giggling children to be still. "We are hon-"

"_Honored_ to be here ma'am!" Antilles announced, stepping forward in his crisp suit with the combat medals jingling. I wanted to shove those medals down his throat.

"It is our privilege to be here," he continued, "and, as you can see, Major Janson came _especially_ prepared to see the children."

Restrained, muffled giggles erupted into full blown laughter and I did the only thing I could do: I smiled, waving with my striped glove, and gave an exaggerated bow. The children cheered and my former friend Wedge motioned me forward to the stage. "If it's all right with you, ma'am, Major Janson here would like to distribute the gifts we've brought to the children."

And _that_ is how I came to be on the stage with the kids, the glitter, the toys and the Twi'lek.

Two assistants arrived with a chair and a bag of gifts and positioned me right in the middle of the stage while my squad mates lined up behind me in a dignified perimeter. Over the high-pitched children's' chatter as they clamored over me for gifts, I could hear my fellow pilots offering solemn words of encouragement to wide-eyed youngsters who stared up at them in awe.

I hoped they all came down with a case of the hoojib hives.

After the gifts had been distributed, the Twi'lek once again took the mic and announced that everyone was welcome to attend a reception in the greeting hall. I watched the crowd file out the back doors and was starting to negotiate the steps down the stage when I felt a tug on the back of my shirt.

It was the pretty Twi'lek and, before I knew it, she'd wrapped her pretty arms and pretty lekku around me and kissed me smack on the lips. I did what any man does in that situation: I blinked in slack-jawed surprise.

She smiled and purred. (I'm not kidding. She purred!) "You were wonderful with the children today, Major. After the reception, perhaps I could buy you a drink somewhere quiet?"

I smiled. No, I grinned. Okay, I won't lie -- I beamed and waddled down the steps with the lovely lady on my arm, flashing a wide grin at Antilles and the guys on the way out. Who was laughing _now?_

-END-

The fic request was for a story in Beyond featuring Wedge and Wraith Squadron with:  
1. A space battle (mock or real)  
2. A prank played on Wes Janson (but not Wes playing a prank)  
3. A real Ewok  
4. A stolen kiss


End file.
